This past week, I’ve been trying to come up with the words to explain why I’ve been MIA on my blog lately, but every time I got ready to write my mind would go blank. Losing my mom has been a struggle for me that comes in waves; and when big moments happen in our family, or when holidays are approaching (especially Mother’s Day) I find myself thinking of her and falling into a pit of sadness.
This will be the first mothers day without her, and quite frankly, I’m not sure what to do with that. I feel like I just recovered from her first birthday since she passed away, and now we are approaching a holiday for mom’s and its been really emotional. I still have moments of questioning, and not fully understanding the why of it all, as her death was sudden. My sisters and I weren’t ready to say goodbye, and we certainly couldn’t have planned for this. So when something happens special in life, and the one person I would call for all those moments isn’t here anymore, it’s hard to not break down and wallow in sadness.
There was something really special about conversations with my mom, and there is no one who can make me feel the way she did. She was the person that could say the funniest thing, and make me laugh so hard. I talked to her about everything, and she was always there for me offering her love and support.
We had a messy relationship from the moment I was born, and she was hard to love at times, but she was my person. She was diagnosed with a mental illness when I was a young girl, so we didn’t have a normal relationship from the beginning, but she was always loved her daughters. Anyone that has dealt with this knows this can be an uphill battle, and sometimes her love for her girls and the emotionality of being a mother was too much for her to handle. But at the end of the day she was a mom, daughter, a sister, and a friend to all she knew.
This break was my time to try and find some sort of purpose to all of this. She was 53 years old, and to me that seems so young, and has been really difficult to grasp. I’m doing my best to be a mom, a wife, and a sister, while feeling lost as a daughter missing her mom.
Thank you so much for coming back to read a little behind the scenes of my blog so we can connect on a more personal level. I’m so grateful to be a mom, blogger, wife, and friend to y’all. You all are what makes it possible so I can do the two things I love most. Hope y’all have a great weekend!!
Bree says
I am so sorry for your loss. I would be a wreck, so don’t apologize for taking time away to breathe. Love you girl!
Xoxo
Dawn says
Sorry about your loss Angela. My prayers are with you and your family. You are a beautiful and wonderful mom, blogger, and friend. Glad to have met you through blogging.
Donald Thomson says
So real and I hope that was good and therapeutic for you. Very sorry to hear about your mother.
SUE MORRIS says
ANGELA, SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. WE HAD NO IDEA SHE WAS GONE. LOSING PARENTS ARE HARD, REGARDLESS HOW OLD THEY ARE. HOPING YOU DO HAVE SOME GOOD MEMORIES TO KEEP IN YOUR HEART. WE KNOW YOU ARE A GOOD MOTHER. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY. THINKING OF YOU.
Stephanie Jackson says
So sorry to hear about your loss. I can’t wait to hug your neck on Saturday. So glad to have met you and I can only imagine how painful it must be. Here for you and praying for peace